blah blah blah

Notice the time? I can't sleep. I took a Unisom pill about an hr ago and it still hasn't kicked in.

I was having some weird contractions and decided to take a shower to see if it would make them go away in case they were just weird braxton hicks or if they would continue. They went away. So then I decided to do my nails... they looked pretty ugly, and no ones to go into labor with ugly nails right?! :oP

Anyway, so after doing my nails, and redoing them a couple of times because I kept messing up and then redoing my right index finger for the 4th time (kid you not), I was still not sleepy.

So I came to the kitchen, grabbed my self a ice cooler thing (you know,those ice pack things that you put in coolers and lunch boxes? they are my secret to not dying of heat at time,lay one those babies on your belly and bam - instant cooling) and sat in the living room.

And then I started remembering the week before Thomas was born. It's funny how different I feel now. physically and emotionally. Sometimes I can't stand the wait, I just want them to come so I can hold them and love them and smell them and look at them. But sometimes I get scared and don't want them to come because I really don't feel ready. But then I think... are we ever really ready for a new baby? For TWO new babies? If I were to wait until I was really ready, I would be waiting forever.

I dreamed a few nights ago that my water had broken. I woke up not knowing if it had been true or just a dream and freaked out a little. I kept thinking "It was a dream, it has to be, it's too early, I'm not ready..."

Today when my weird contractions started I felt ok. I wasn't scared... well maybe a little. But that's just because the one doctor that I do not want was on call today, so I really could not have these babies today. But now he's not anymore so they can come. Although, I still want them to wait more, or at least until my mom gets here, then they can really come.

So, anyway, I wasn't scared. I mean I started getting a little nervous, because they were different, a bit more intense and actually started getting into a patter... but it wasn't like the time with the dream when I was almost to the point of waking up Johan.

I feel like a first time mom all over again. I don't know what to expect. I don't know how to prepare, I simply don't know. I feel like I'm waking the plank blind folded, but in a good sort of way. I know what's going on, I know where I'm headed and I even know what will happen once I reach the end. I just don't know when it will happen. Makes sense?

I appreciate all who have been so nice and have been cheering for me this whole time. It has helped so much. It really has not been easy, but even the little "You look great" comments have helped and I really do appreciate them.

I think I feel a little sleepy-ness coming on...